My complete guide to meeting a girl and taking her home
You may read this and think it's too much to remember or overthinking. I agree. I wrote this to be a COMPLETE guide, i.e., everything you will ever need to know and stuff that works in almost every situation. I don't expect you to memorize or do all of this. Most of this stuff will come naturally to you, but some of it may seem counterintuitive or just never crossed your mind. I just wanted a reference guide for myself to compile everything I've learned over my long time doing this.
For things you can’t control, make peace with the universe and accept them. For shit you can control, look in the mirror, be objective, ignore your prejudices and insecurities, and just fucking fix what is wrong with you. If you can’t tell, ask a girl to tell you.
1) get her emotionally invested in you (doing things for you, showing you positive body language, talking deeply about herself, being positive, and following you on your journey)
2) lead her around by developing a plan, tell her about it bit by bit, have her come along, change locations 2 or 3 times, end up at your house
3) get her talking about herself and eventually pushing the interaction
4) have genuine fun, which means do things you really find fun. If she thinks you’re pretending to have fun just to hang around her, she’ll think you’re corny. Even when you are dancing with her, she should feel like you really enjoy dancing and aren’t just doing it for her.
Your weapons are emotions
The only way to break through a girl’s emotional wall is by delivering a strong emotional experience. You want to provide her the full spectrum of emotions: the low emotions (affection, comfort, relaxation, warmth, sexual energy, protection, silliness, authenticity), the high emotions (power, leadership, confidence, dominance, invincibility, weirdness, new experiences, high energy, masculinity), and the transcendent emotions (joy, transcendence, “love” in the abstract sense - don’t say “I love you”). Teasing is fine, but only if done on an underlying framework of positivity, friendliness and warmth. You must also speak intelligently, to overwhelm her thoughts AND emotions.
Strike the right balance
Game is like surfing – you must stay at the “lip” of the wave - not too aggressive, not too passive. If you are too emotionally invested, she loses attraction and goes looking elsewhere. If you ignore her too much or act too platonic she thinks you’re not interested and goes looking elsewhere. You need to be slightly less emotionally invested in her the whole time, which means you need to know when to step on the gas and when to tap the brakes. I can’t teach this, it requires practice and the ability to read her.
Stepping on the gas
Stepping on the gas is 1) making deep eye contract, 2) touching (preferably skin to skin), 3) Saying “bond-y” things like “we are the best dancers at this party”, 4) emitting sexual energy (just imagine sexual energy is a magical thing that you can just emit, you will know what I’m talking about), 5) inviting her to the next step in the adventure (“hey, let’s go to bar X after this drink”), 6) talking about deep/personal things. Women are very insecure, so if you don't keep your foot on the gas, her insecurity may make her check out of the interaction. Read her body language to determine if you should keep pressing the gas, but when in doubt, press. If she doesn’t like you, she can leave, or tell you to leave. “Creepiness,” to the extent such a concept exists, is simply emotional overinvestment. Don’t get too invested, and don’t do anything objectively creepy. If she unfairly thinks you’re being creepy, that’s not your problem.
Tapping the brakes
Tapping the brakes is going cold. 1) looking at your phone, 2) breaking eye contact and looking around, 3) talking to other people, 4) doing what you want to do with no thought of what she wants to do, 5) fixating on a song or something else entertaining going on at the venue, 6) bathroom break 7) becoming unexpressive and silent. You tap the brakes when she taps the brakes – if she taps the brakes a little, you tap much harder, to let her know you make the rules, not her. Generally, you should tap the brakes more with “bitchy” girls, but you need to read correctly.
Even it’s going super well, tap the breaks occasionally to keep her guessing and to give her some breathing room. If you press the gas too hard, you can fix it by doing an emotional reset. For example, if you ask her to come to the next bar and she says no, I’ll say “ok, well I’m going anyway.” I then tap the brakes, do something different for a while, and then totally change the subject to something new. I build up the emotions again and then I say “ok, well I’m leaving now.” If she’s into you, she might follow the second time. If not, you’re chasing a dud.
You should also be ready to bail at any time if she is negative, crazy, or refusing to let you lead (that means she’s not attracted), even its 4 AM and you thought you made it. Don’t let the sunk cost fallacy ruin your night. You must have a video game or book you would be happy to go home to. Never do anything where you have to rely on her to get in, or get a ride home, etc… Don’t do something that you won’t enjoy doing. Sometimes she won’t get emotionally invested – it’s ok, not everyone has to like you – find someone who does
Come with the following things
Breath mints. Charged phone. Charger if you might need it. Working Uber. Baby pictures - nephew, cousin, whatever. Two, three short stories that are funny, the more self-deprecating the better. A deep story about your perfect day (mine is smoking pot and riding my bike around South Beach listening to Madonna).
Get emotionally prepared
Read, watch or think about something intellectually and emotionally more important than women and keep these thoughts and feelings in your head when out.
Talk to 3 girls before you go to your real venue
There is a natural emotional “wall” that exists between people who are strangers. It’s the man’s job to break this wall down, but you need some practice so that your end of the wall is already gone.
Stay above the fray
Imagine you just got back from partying with supermodels in Miami and these peasants are lucky you are even in their bar. Don’t get mired in petty conversations, stupid chit chat and negativity. Never forget that you are better than everybody there. And don’t forget you have a bulletproof plan to bring her back that works if you would just do it.
You don’t have to be her dream man
This may not sound very inspirational, but the truth is that almost every woman is settling. Don’t drive yourself nuts thinking about whether you are good enough for her. Whether she likes you is none of your business. Go in, enjoy the interaction, and if she keeps talking to you, that means she’s fine with you. Think about yourself, not her.
Humans connect on an emotional level and a rational level. Your rational words should show interest and enthusiasm but you must communicate the “emotion” of “I’m just talking to you to be nice, I would maybe rather be somewhere else.” Take the pressure off of her and just allow HER emotions to grow by not getting emotionally invested. And until she emotionally invests, DO NOT STOP YOUR MISSION. She should feel like you might walk away at any moment. Disinterested interest, however, does not mean be low energy or do not escalate – on the contrary, escalate and emit high sexual energy, just make her feel like are not totally emotionally committed.
Double meaning and plausible deniability
You must constantly escalate, but also use “double meanings” – words and actions can be interpreted as interest and/or escalation, but also not. This keeps her guessing and gives you plausible deniability in case she feels pressured or indecisive. Say sexual things, but in a way that could possibly interpreted as just a joke. Example: Her: Are you trying to have sex with me? Me: I’m not sure, let’s see whether you mess this up.
Talk about deep stuff but don’t become her therapist or let her suck you into the vortex of her negativity or craziness. You are the lifeguard standing on the edge of the crazy pool, not another person drowning with her. Shift from silly to serious and back again effortlessly. Silly topics: 1) what’s your DJ name? 2) What super power would you want? 3) Everybody at the bar is secretly a paparazzi there to take pictures of you, but they are just playing it cool. 4) Let’s get drunk and go overthrow an oppressive government in the third world tonight. Serious topics: 1) How you have strong boundaries and don’t let people cross them, 2) How you are independent and do things alone, 3) how you are childlike and “nobody is really an adult”, 4) How you believe love is unconditional and not based on any particular attributes the person has, 5) How you love to live in the moment rather than have material things, 6) How you have a plan for world peace 7) How you love your job/hobby/whatever. Don’t discuss her exes, your exes, any other guy she is dating, or shit you will definitely disagree on. Call her out if she says anything fucked up like “I drink and drive.”
Don’t ask her for anything. Definitely don’t beg. Don’t let her feel like you are intimidated, awed or obsessed with her femininity or appearance. In fact, make sure any compliment about her appearance is done with extreme disinterested interest. If she does something overtly sexual to throw you off your game, use disinterested interest and double meaning to make her feel like you still may be interested, but the pussy can’t control you. Don’t give her anything she doesn’t deserve. Don’t pay for anything unless she pays for something first or agrees to pay (i.e., she agrees to buy the next round). Don’t let her dictate the conversation, especially if she wants to talk about stupid or boring shit. Don’t agree with her if she says crazy or stupid shit. Don’t validate yourself to her. Don’t brag.
Only compliment her if she did something actually objectively impressive and you are actually impressed. Girls can see right through fake compliments.
Keep doing shit
Motion creates emotion, so always be doing something when you’re out. You’re buying a drink, you’re finding your friend, you’re texting somebody. Women can subconsciously sense when you’re on a mission, and the moment you just stand there dumbly or show that she can throw you off your mission she loses attraction. No matter how hot or famous she is, don’t let her perturb you, change your emotional state, or alter your behavior. Until she gets emotionally invested enough in you, she has to feel like you would rather be doing something else and you are just talking to her to be nice.
Say hi to everyone
Make eye contact with everyone. Say hi to every girl you see, with only extreme exceptions (she’s clearly there with a guy, etc…). Wave if she’s far away. The warmer her reaction, the more conducive she is to being approached. But keep doing what you’re doing as you’re saying hi. If you’re going to buy a drink, keep your body in the motion of buying a drink. The worst possible thing that can happen is that she gives you a weird look or looks away, and this usually only happens if she’s there with a guy. No matter how unattractive you are, on a biological level it’s hard to say no to a happy person saying hi to you.
If you’re in a social crowd with people you know, talk to everybody, men and women, so you don’t look like some creeper that just wants pussy. In fact, in a mixed crowd of friends talk to the head alpha male and then introduce yourself to the girls almost as an afterthought. But eventually introduce yourself to every girl there – it’s only polite.
If she shows interest, approach, but keep doing what you’re doing. Sound like a contradiction? It is, but women’s feelings are contradictory. If you’re buying a drink, keep buying the drink as you are “approaching.” Good opening lines: “hey how are you,” “what’s your deal,” “you’re too hot to be here,” “how was your day?” “what brought you out tonight?” Stay warm and keep a big smile: you are a happy retard. Tap into the emotional “tone” of the moment? DJ’s awesome? Say something about it. Funny guy dancing in the corner? Say something about it. Keep it positive unless you can figure out a way to make a negative funny or positive.
What to talk about?
The beginning conversation is less about the subject matter rather than proving to her you’re not a creep or stalker. Ask her what she’s doing at the bar, give her a compliment, make a joke and then just talk about whatever comes up naturally. The goal is to eventually find a subject that you both find interesting and that touches her emotions (the deeper and more important the emotions, the better). You may need to "scan" her and ask some questions to find out what is important to her. Make sure the conversation is appropriate to the situation (don't ask about her dead grandma at an EDM concert, for example).
Eliminate duds as quickly as you can
Who is she there with? Her boyfriend? Eliminate. Is she being negative? Bad mood? Being a jerk? Eliminate. Her friends? Where are they? What’s her plan for the night? If she’s leaving in 10 minutes, eliminate. Wait until it’s appropriate to ask these questions, but you need to know these answers before you waste too much time on her. Also, be careful to not get distracted– many girls, even those who rejected you previously, will suddenly get very friendly if they see you with another girl. If you spend too much time on these girls, you WILL screw it up with your primary mission.
Take the power position in the conversation
Whoever is more physically comfortable has the power position. If she’s sitting and you’re standing or if you’re contorting your body to talk to her, she’s in the power position. You must absolutely demand (without words) to speak to her face to face, have your own space, and feel comfortable. If you’re sitting, don’t offer her the seat. Take a step back every once in a while to make her feel like she is crowding you, not the other way around. Your demeanor should be incredibly calm and relaxed. Speak slowly. Think before you talk. Don’t get sucked into her emotional vortex.
Be the opposite of a jealous, controlling, judgmental douchebag
You want her to feel like you are the opposite of every douchey, shitty guy she has been with. Introduce her to all your friends and anybody else important at the bar. Introduce her to the “alpha male” of the party to show you’re not afraid of him (if she decides to fuck him, she wasn’t that into you in the first place). Be super nice to bouncers, Uber drivers, etc… If she starts being a bitch, give her a serious look and tell her “he’s just doing his job.” Random guy comes over and starts talking to her? Great, he’s now your best friend and you should try to include him in the conversation as much as you can until he freaks out by how nice you’re being and runs away. Talk to all of her friends in 1-1 conversations and compliment them. If one of them is being a bitch, ignore the bitchiness as if it doesn’t exist. Try to read her friends and see how they feel, if one is skeptical focus on him/her the most. If it looks like they will veto you, get her number and bounce.
Keep escalating emotions
Humans constantly want stronger emotions. If we eat a cookie, next we want 2 cookies. Give someone a bump of cocaine, next they want 2. And so forth. If you provide a flat, consistent emotional experience, she will lose interest, so you must provide stronger and stronger emotions. This requires creativity and "thinking outside the box." Human emotions are also dynamic. It doesn’t matter that you were tingling her feels at 10:00, you need to bring new tingles at 10:05. When you hit an emotional peak, say something “bond-y” (I’m glad I met you, this is such a fun night, I am so good at finding awesome people) the first time, get her number the second time, go for a kiss when it’s appropriate. Read the situation.
The man must dictate the emotional tone, but it also must match her emotions. If you don’t match her emotions, you won’t connect emotionally, but if you let her dictate the emotional tone, she is controlling the interaction and not you. Your best bet is to show her you can do any emotions she does but bigger, more pure, and more positive. Don’t bring out your weird, edgy or offensive side until she’s bought into you and knows you’re not a creeper. Say real shit to show you’re not putting on a façade (I lose my wallet all the time, etc…).
At some point in the conversation, establish that you guys are “together.” If she’s showing interest, say something like “I’m really glad I met you tonight, we are definitely going to hang out.” Don’t say anything too grand like “you’re my girlfriend now.”. After you hook, you can press the gas harder and tap the brakes more often. Depending on the situation, you may have to hook sooner – if you’re in a big group of girls and/or guys, you need to hook early.
Take the plane off, fly, and then land it
Women want to fuck but are too afraid of rejection to approach guys or push the interaction, so you have to do it. You must show you are reliable and can pull off the whole process with no weirdness, awkwardness or making her feel shitty. Make her feel like the entire night is planned out and she can just stop thinking and enjoy the ride. Act like you know what you’re doing and that you’re a professional (girls say they hate players but awkward, unconfident guys are worse). Act like you know the game. Act like you don’t need to manipulate or cajole her. Think three steps ahead and have a plan for the whole night. Transition everything smoothly - if you are going to the bathroom, tell her you’ll be back (unless you need to slam the brakes for some reason). Don’t ever let her feel like you abandoned her.
Back at your place
If she’s ready to fuck, throw her on the bed and fuck her. If she needs some emotional escalation, put on a movie and cuddle up next to her. Watch enough of the movie to make her think that you might really just want to watch the movie, have some non-sexual conversation, segue to deep, emotional conversations, and then at an emotional peak, kiss her. If she’s into it, stop a few times, keep chatting, and then go for a kiss again. After two or three false starts, start undressing her and/or rubbing her pussy. Sometimes really emotionally damaged girls don’t want to kiss, but will respond if you start rubbing their pussy, so act accordingly.
If she turns you down, confidently acknowledge the situation (I sometimes jokingly say “I’ve never been turned down for sex ever”, etc…), and then do a complete 180 emotionally, changing the subject to something completely non-sex related (hey you wanna watch a cool video on Youtube?). After enough time has passed, escalate the emotions again and then when you hit an emotional peak, try again. If she turns you down 2 or 3 times give up.
If she wants to have a long conversation about whether she should or shouldn’t have sex with you don’t engage. I usually say something pithy and end it at that (“I am not going to judge you and who cares what society thinks.”). If she’s still struggling with it, tell her “I’ll give you some time to think about it” and then go back into a non-sexual, deep conversation, hit an emotional peak, and then go for it again. If she says something like “you do this to a lot of girls” give another pithy response and don’t let her dwell on it (“I am flattered you think girls want to fuck me. Not every girl makes bad decisions like you do.”).
Have your own condoms that are big enough. After you are done, dispose the condom in an environmentally-friendly way, making sure that you don't lose any jizz. Pull out if you think it may have come off.
She won’t go home with you?
Get her number. After you leave, text her something later that night like “great to meet you tonight, let’s hang soon!” Two days later, text her about some random thing you guys did or talked about, but don‘t ask her out. Two days after that, invite her out but phrase it like this “I am going to be at X place at Y time. Come join.” If she doesn't respond or says she's busy, I usually try one more time before I give up.
All of this writing is useless. It’s all true, in my opinion, but what’s important is being there in the moment and feeling and breathing that energy. You can’t go in with a script. This is all stuff that you need to know but don’t expect it to happen overnight – you need to get caught up in the moment. But at the same time, you need to do what’s right, not necessarily what you feel.