The purpose of life? giving
My father died this weekend so I wanted to write about what I have learned from him. I am writing this with tears in my eyes so please excuse me if this does not make sense.
I have been pondering the meaning of life and I have come to this: the meaning of life is to give for the sake of giving.
Most giving is not for the sake of giving. Most of us give so that we can receive something in return. We are nice to people so that they are nice to us. We buy drinks for girls so they will fuck us. We work hard at work so we can get a paycheck. We often tell ourselves that we are giving with no ulterior motive, but we do have an ulterior motive.
But true giving asks nothing in return. A man who gives with the expectation of receiving something is giving from a position of weakness and neediness, but a man who gives and expects nothing in return gives from a position of strength. And a man who gives from a position of strength can direct his giving to the one who deserves it most and therefore fulfill his mission as a human being the best.
Imagine a man who buys a woman fancy dinner so she will “like” him. That man is not giving from a position of strength and he is not giving to somebody who deserves it. He wants something from the woman so he is throwing her a useless bauble because he has nothing impressive to offer. He cannot give her leadership, strength, a good conversation, a good example, or even a fun time, so he throws her $160 of food she doesn’t need or even really want, hoping she will reciprocate with her love, her attention, her sex, etc…. She will happily take the food, but she will not give him love or anything else because he does not have anything valuable to give her. Giving from weakness always fails.
What that woman needs isn’t $160 of food, but a man who is confident, strong, powerful, intelligent, and respects her enough to know that she cannot be bought for $160. It took me a long time to figure out why women did not like me when I bought them things, and I finally figured it out: they did not want my money, which any guy could have given them, but my masculinity.
When a man needs nothing from anybody else, he can give to the right people. He does not give because he “feels bad,” because he was manipulated or guilted, or because he wants something in return. His head is clear, nobody can take advantage of him, and he gives the right thing to the right people. Most people give money to homeless people because they feel bad, but they fail to give money to people who really deserve it, because their giving was motivated by a weak emotion, not rational calculation.
A worthy life
To give, one must first have something to give. You cannot give if you have nothing. You can give many things: your advice, your presence, your leadership, your strength, your example, your love, your compassion, and even your threats. You can also give money or material things, but in the hierarchy of things that a man can give these things are the least valuable and help people the least. It is better to help somebody improve themselves by teaching them, setting a good example, and even sometimes coercing them, than to give them a few trinkets they will quickly squander away.
Therefore, to be able to truly give, one must build a worthy life first. Paradoxically, to give, one must often be selfish, and shrug off the leeches and vampires that are seeking things from you that they do not deserve, so you can focus on building a worthy life and pursuing your mission. The better of a life you can build, the more you can give.
I believe that all men should make and save money, but money is not the only aspect of a worthy life. A lot of people can buy a $160 dinner, but how many people can be an emotional rock, a loving partner, a strong leader, and an uplifting example? Sometimes selfishly pursuing your mission, becoming successful and happy, and overcoming obstacles is the best way to give. My father bought me a lot of things and supported me financially, but his true gift was his example. He literally did things I did not know a man can do and now that he cannot make any money or give me money, I can take his examples and his lessons and use them for the rest of my life.
We are taught many things in our life: be kind, be generous, be curious, be strong, be smart, be careful, etc… But this advice is just words to us and we subconsciously reject these words because we feel no emotional valence in them. Advice truly comes alive when you see it in action. One can only be kind, generous, curious, strong, smart, and careful when you see somebody else do it. I have had a lot of pieces of shit give me a lot of great advice, but I never took it because I thought “this advice didn’t do much for them, so why should I listen to it?” I have literally had drug addicts lecture me on self-control. But when you see a man actually live a praiseworthy life, you realize that it IS possible that you can do it too.
Giving should be the foundation of any man’s life for several reasons. First, giving feels good. Humans evolved to live in tribes, and those tribes succeed when the members of the tribe love each other and give to each other. We literally evolved to give. The tribe is much more likely to prosper if each member is giving to the others than if every member is trying to take for themselves.
Giving also feels good because the more we give, the more we feel like we can expect in return. Psychologists have discovered that humans have a natural tendency to want to feel like the world is fair, so if we act selfishly or steal something, we may gain something small, but we are left with the feeling that if the world is fair somebody will act selfishly towards us or steal from us. Giving literally makes us feel like the universe is a warm, loving embrace that will return everything we have given it.
The unfortunate truth, however, is that most of us do not live in tribes that emphasize giving. Modern society is full of mentally unstable, selfish, individualistic, confused, assholes. How can we give to them? Giving works best when one is in a community of givers, what does one do if one is cast alone in a selfish world? I don’t know the answer to this, but I can say that people are often a lot better than we give them credit for, and if we act kindly towards people they will surprisingly act kindly towards us. We must act tough and strict, so that the leeches and vampires do not take from us, but if we make clear that we only give to those who deserve, perhaps we will attract those who deserve. A man does not need to collect money, or honor, or things, or women. Contrary to what society and the media make us think, humans are relatively simple and we do not need much. We need some simple food, clothes, a place to live, and activities and people to occupy our mind. That’s really it. We accumulate everything else so that we can give. The more we can reduce our desires, the more powerful we can become, the more we can accumulate, and the more we can give.
Who to give to? And to give what?
Knowing what to give and who to give to is the hardest part of giving. My father was an incredibly giving person but he often gave to people who were not deserving. He was a good man, but unfortunately he was naïve to the fact that others are not as good as him. This is a flaw I see in many of my successful friends.
As part of my work, I analyze human psychology and this analysis often leaves me cold and bitter about the prospects for humanity and its behavior. I seek to understand the potential evil that lurks in the heart of every person, and it terrifies me. At the same time, I generally believe that people are good, and usually only act badly when they feel like they have been attacked or wronged. I believe that all humans can be molded, and we just need somebody stronger than us to mold us.
We give to the wrong people most often because we are naïve, uninformed, or selfish. To give to the right people, we must understand human psychology, right and wrong, and whether our giving is actually helping them. That is a lot to learn, but it is imperative that we do it because giving is the most important thing.
We must also cultivate actual, mental, and emotional abundance, so that we do not give out of selfishness. The world is a crazy place and we can never expect our giving to be reciprocated so we must give because we can, not because we need. As I said earlier, most giving is done out of neediness, which means that it goes to the wrong people, for the wrong reasons, and at the wrong times. And these people do not appreciate our giving because they know it is done out of weakness and with selfish motives, so they are not impressed.
Of course, not all of our giving can be selfless. To build wealth and a worthy life, we must work hard and collect money. If we conduct ourselves in business and in life as if we are helping the world, we are still giving. And sometimes we must fight the forces of evil to get what we deserve, so that we can give to those who deserve.
Giving and the Red Pill
At first glance, one may criticize self-improvement as selfish self-masturbation. But if you come to this community, you see tons of guys doing nothing more than giving. I make a tiny bit of money from my blog, but most of the contributors here, including the moderators, make no money and receive literally nothing in return. Why are they putting so much time and effort in this community? What's the point of all this? It is because they are giving. They have learned things about the world and they want to share those things.
Giving and women
Much of the Red Pill is about not giving to women, having boundaries with women, and not supplicating to them. This is mostly correct. But it is not correct because we should never give anything to women, but because most men are giving the wrong things. Women need a strong example, an emotional rock, and a leader that cannot be deterred from his mission – not a pathetic weakling that is trying to manipulate them with trinkets and favors. Women need an alpha male, and instead of trying to take the easy way out by buying them dinner, we should instead focus on becoming the alpha male they want and need.
When faced with weak, worthless men, women become cruel, manipulative, and seemingly heartless. But women want to give as well, and their lives are a search for a man that is worth giving to. A man who abdicates his mission so that he can appease women shows that he is not worth giving to. A man who cannot control his own emotions is not worth giving to. A man who cannot lead is not worth giving to. Men and women are both uniquely designed by evolution to give certain things in a relationship, and unfortunately men ruin it by trying to give what the woman should be giving. Women WANT to give, and men literally are depriving them of that opportunity.
My sister is a strong, intelligent, powerful woman, and she puts most beta males I know to shame. She became this way because my father was such a strong example. I can only hope that I become the same.