[GUEST POST BY AVERY HAYDEN] The Five Triggers for Sexual Attraction
How often do you hear women tell you the following?
“I haven’t felt butterflies like that in years.”
“We shouldn’t be left in a room alone together.”
“Wow, how do you do that to me?”
Master the triggers for sexual attraction outlined in this article, and beautiful women you’ve just met will make the above statements regularly.
There are five elements to creating an irresistible sexual attraction: 1. Intent 2. Tension 3. Eye Contact 4. Mystery 5. Sexual conversation. Fortunately, there are simple, practical tricks you can learn that will allow you to master each of these elements with ease.
Intent can be such a murky concept. Although it might seem like you’ll have to fine-tune your chakras or meditate in a cave to master intent, it’s actually a concept grounded in human psychology. Put simply, intent is your expectation of what is going to happen in an interaction with a woman.
Intent is mostly expressed in feelings. Humans evolved mirror neurons that allow us to feel what people we interact with are feeling. This allowed people to avoid dangerous situations, if someone had a bad intent, they could feel that something was off, and so they would exercise caution in that interaction. Similarly, if you are nervous, a woman will be able to feel that, and she will assume that you must be nervous for a reason, your intent will make her lose interest in you. Conversely, if you feel confidently attracted to her, she’s much more likely to feel the same for you.
So, if you expect a girl to like you, she’s more likely to become attracted to you. How do you learn to project a strong intent? No, you don’t need to align your chakras or meditate in a cave. You can build your intent through a technique that psychologists use to treat anxiety, conscious reinterpretation.
Harvard scientists ran a study in which they caused participants to feel socially anxious by making them give a speech in front of an audience. The first group wasn’t given any special instructions, and unsurprisingly their levels of social anxiety were high and their performances suffered as a result. The second group was given a very simple exercise to practice. Whenever they felt nervous, they were to tell themselves, “I feel excited.” They were instructed to reinterpret anxiety as excitement. The audience scored the second group as performing significantly better, and participants in the second group also self-reported feeling more calm and confident.
How do you use this to change your intent? If you are nervous talking to a girl, you can do exactly what participants in the study were instructed to do, tell yourself, “I am excited.” Over time, as you practice this, your anxiety will turn into excitement, and she will feel this excitement off of you, and therefore feel more positively towards you.
But you can take this even further, when a girl makes you feel anxious, you could interpret that as nerves, but you could also interpret that as sexual attraction. In fact, the feelings people feel when they are nervous and when they are attracted to someone are almost identical: butterflies in the stomach, fast heartbeat, and even sweaty palms. If you feel that these symptoms are a bad thing, they will make you feel uncomfortable, if you feel that they are your body’s way of telling you that you should talk to someone, they will be positive. When you see a girl you like, and you feel the symptoms of attraction, tell yourself, “Damn, she’s attractive, I need to talk to her.”
One of the largest psychology studies of all time found that the most powerful trigger for attraction is the feeling of being genuinely liked by someone else. When you learn to accurately reinterpret anxiety towards a girl as attraction for her, you will allow yourself to feel more attracted to her, and as a result, she will feel more attracted to you. This is the power of a strong intent.
Negs, pushes, emotional spikes, are all techniques used to build sexual tension. Unfortunately, they are also the most misused techniques in the pickup community. I’ve floundered with these techniques many times myself, I would walk up to a girl I thought was particularly attractive, and I would start berating her with negs. I was overtly teasing her to raise my ‘perceived value’, and to make her feel a lack of validation. Suffice it to say, this didn’t build attraction, it just led to uncomfortable, and short, interactions.
Why? For any teasing technique to work, there’s an important nuance that must be understood. Before you tease, you and a woman must be in rapport for it to have a positive effect. If you and her aren’t on the same wavelength, aren’t vibing, than these techniques are meaningless.
However, if a girl is connecting with you, and then you strip her of validation, it will build a powerful sexual tension. To get her validation back, she will start to chase you. There are many lines you can use to make a girl chase you, for example, if she says she’s from California, you can say, “I hate California.” If you were already in rapport with her, this will feel invalidating, it will make her wonder if you really like her. This creates a psychological vacuum effect, to ease her discomfort, she will start to chase you and earn your validation back.
There are numerous effective techniques, the key is to only use these techniques after you’ve already built rapport with a girl. The power of this simple strategy will shock you.
Eye contact can trigger attraction on its own. Famed evolutionary psychologist David Buss writes in his book, Why Women Have Sex, “In one study, forty-eight women and men came to a lab and were asked to stare into each other’s eyes while talking. The effect of mutual gaze proved powerful. Many reported that deep eye contact with an opposite-sex stranger created feelings of intense love. Another study had strangers first reveal intimate details of their lives to each other for half an hour, and then asked them to stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes— without breaking eye contact or making any conversation. Participants again reported deep attraction to their study partners. Two of these total strangers even ended up getting married!”
Eye contact is powerful, but how do you improve it? Whenever you are in a location with women, improve your eye contact with this simple game. Whenever you see a woman, look at her eyes, if she doesn’t look at you, avert your gaze after 3 seconds, if she does look at you, hold eye contact until she looks away from you.
Over time, this simple technique will lead you to make powerful eye contact effortlessly in all of your interactions with women. Your ability to create attraction will be significantly magnified.
Like intent, mystery can be a vague, hard-to-understand concept. In high school I learned that it was attractive to be mysterious, and I heard that to be mysterious meant not to talk much. So, to become mysterious, I just didn’t talk to girls. Maybe this did cause me to create an aura of mystery, but I was missing the point.
To be mysterious, you simply have to make a woman curious about you, you have to leave her with unanswered questions. Mystery is attractive because it shows that you have depth, and women get bored of the constant barrage of uninteresting, simple, guys that try to get in their pants. Show that you are different, offer her some mystery, and you will trigger attraction.
How can you do this without learning complicated routines? Say one line that she won’t be able to get out of her head. Tell her something she doesn’t usually hear, something provocative, something that will make her wonder about you.
My personal favorite line to accomplish this?
“I bet you don’t meet a guy like me every day.”
This line has an insidious effect. It proves itself true, very few men would say something so cocky, and simply saying this line proves that you are different from other guys, because other guys don’t talk like that.
This line creates mystery, because she will wonder exactly what it is that makes you different? She will want to know why you would say something like that, she will want to know why you have so much self-confidence. She’s going to want to solve this mystery, and the only way to do so, is to spend more time with you.
What happens when you think about sex? Assuming you don’t have some kind of dysfunction, you get aroused. If you talk about sex, you will make a woman more attracted to you because of a strange phenomenon called the misattribution of arousal. In the famous bridge study, participants crossed a nerve-wracking swaying bridge with a 230 foot drop to the river below. On the other side, they were approached by an attractive female lab assistant and given a short survey. Afterwards, she gave them her phone number so they could call if they had any further questions. Half of the participants called the lab assistant after crossing the rickety bridge, and several even asked her on a date.
This is in contrast to the participants who crossed a safer, more stable bridge, none of whom asked the assistant on a date.
This is because, like I mentioned earlier, the symptoms of anxiety and attraction are very similar. Participants who crossed a dangerous, rickety bridge were brought into a state of heightened emotional arousal. They were still in this state when talking to the attractive lab assistant, and afterwards they decided to ask her on a date because they thought their anxiety from crossing the bridge was attraction to the lab assistant.
Similarly, if you bring sexuality into a conversation, it won’t make a woman attracted to you directly, but thinking about sex will turn her on, and she will naturally associate her feelings of sexual arousal with the person she is interacting with, you.
How can you bring sex into a conversation without it being uncomfortable or awkward? Play the question game. The rules are simple, you each ask questions of each other, the more personal the better. Questions can’t be repeated, and if either of you are uncomfortable with a question, you can ask to have it replaced with another question.
Tell her you want to play the game, explain the rules, and to start you can ask moderately sexual questions like, “What was your first kiss?” As the game progresses, ask progressively more sexual questions. Because it’s a game, nothing is off limits, and if you go too far, she can just pass to the next question.
The question game will allow you to comfortably bring sex into your conversation, and as she thinks about sex, she will naturally associate those thoughts with the person she is talking to, namely, you.
Integrate these five triggers for sexual attraction into your interactions with women and most women you meet will desire you. Women want to meet men who turn them on, but so few guys get it, so few men understand what really make a girl feel sexual attraction. These guys try to prove themselves with impressive jobs, nice cars, and big muscles. But women don’t want any of these things as much as they want a man who makes them feel good, use the techniques outlined in this article, and you can be confident in the fact that you will give women what they really want.
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