Art, seduction and forming emotional connections with women
I am an artist and I have done a lot of reading and thinking about what art is and how it affects people. By art, I don't just mean visual art but any kind of art: comedy, movies, poetry, fiction, etc... I have come to the conclusion that art and seduction have a lot in common. Both art and seduction require you to create an emotional experience for other people. And of course, art (and seduction) are powerful because people, and especially women, are 99% driven by emotions. We live in a hyper-rational society but at the end of the day, in our core, we are emotional beings, driven more by our fears, desires, hopes and dreams, than by the “rules” of what society tell us. And of course, the whole goal of seduction is to titillate her emotions so she gives into one of her strongest emotions, the desire for sex and affection.
So here are some lessons I have learned from the art world that I think might be applicable to seduction. Of course, these are all rough analogies, and you can take them or leave them. But I think these can be helpful in forming an emotional connection with girls.
Believe in yourself and your thoughts To make truly great art, one has to be original, or else you won’t stand out and nobody will care. But to be original, you have to be a nonconformist. Most people are conformist because they care what other people think. If they have a weird or crazy idea they’ll keep it to themselves because they don’t know if people will like it. But if you have an original idea you will have no idea that it is good unless you try it out first. That’s why the best artists have a very strong sense of self. They are often even narcissists – they have to be, because they are trying stuff out that nobody has tried before and they are confident it will work. When I was in open mikes in New York, I remember that whenever somebody walked in that was very attractive or was wearing a really “hip” outfit, it was almost a surefire indication that they would suck – probably because good-looking, “hip” people oftentimes cared too much about other people to make good art. Look at all the great artists – 99% of the shit they made was terrible, but they kept making it because they didn’t give a fuck, and when that 1% connected with people it was amazing.
In seduction, women are attracted to guys with a strong sense of self because it shows that the guy doesn’t give a fuck what other people think. This is a big reason girls like “bad boys.” In nature, the “alpha” is by definition the ape that doesn’t give a fuck about what the other apes want, so a guy that does and says things that are “inappropriate” in society automatically connects with women because he “feels” like the alpha ape. Just don’t be a creep.
Make it relatable Art only “works” if the other person relates to it and cares about what the fuck you’re saying. Let’s say I watch a movie about peasants in China. Well, I’m not a peasant in China and I don’t have much in common with them, but I still might be affected by the movie if the movie plays on themes that all human beings can relate to, like for example, struggle, sadness, hope, love, etc... If you can’t be relatable to the girl, you are dead. If you talk only about shit she doesn’t care about, you’re dead. Even when you talk about yourself, you have to talk about yourself in a way that’s relatable to her hopes, dreams, fears and emotions.
Part of making art relatable is tailoring the art to your audience. A big reason PUA guys fuck up is that they try to seduce girls using canned lines and scripted shit they read on the internet. They fail because every person is different and the shit that emotionally connects to one girl might not emotionally connect to a different girl. But if you had emotional intelligence, you would “read” the girl and figure out what she cared about.
By the way, tips 1 and 2 emphasize my “venn diagram theory.” In every conversation there is some shit you care about, some shit she cares about, and some shit in the middle you both care about. That’s where the conversation should be. If she doesn’t care about what you’re talking about, she’ll get bored and check out. If you don’t care about the conversation and you are just doing it to humor you, she will be able to tell and lose respect for you. Ideally, you will both connect and subjects (and feelings) you both relate to and are interested in.
Be extreme People like art because it represents the shit they care about in daily life, but on an extreme and exaggerated level. Here’s an example: all men secretly want to be the “alpha male,” which is why men love action movies and superhero movies so much. But, at the same time, nobody is going to watch a movie about a regular guy who is kind of good at sports and does well at work. Even though the regular guy is an “alpha male” that doesn’t excite people like the superhero or Rambo. For the same reason, you can always capture a girl’s imagination more by being extreme. For example, if she says “I love chocolate cake” and you say “me too,” you’re boring. But if you respond “I love chocolate cake so much that if I had to lose 10 pounds to make a million dollars and you put a chocolate cake in front of me, I would still eat it.” You’re saying the same thing both times, but the second statement sounds more extreme and captures her imagination. This, BTW, is why “agree and amplify” works so well – she expresses an emotion, and then you go extreme with the same emotion, and she loves it.
By the way, the whole “be extreme” thing is a big reason why a lot of artists are drug addicts and crazy and stuff. They are constantly searching for that next “extreme” emotion – they can’t ever be satisfied with the regular emotions of everyday life. So be careful.
Be sensitive I don’t mean artists are pussies. I mean that artists feel every little emotion on a stronger magnitude than regular people. That’s why they create good art – because they notice shit regular people notice but on a grander scale. For example, a lot of people have walked in a pharmacy and thought for a second that its weird that the pharmacist is higher up than everybody else. But a guy like Jerry Seinfeld will walk in and see that and he will obsess over it and make a hilarious comedy bit. People especially like art when it connects to an emotion they have had but they never normally get to express.
Back to the cake example. If she says, “I love chocolate cake,” the conversation dies if you just say “yeah, me too.” A better response would be. “Yeah, I love chocolate cake. My mom used to make and we would put ice cream on it fresh out of the oven. The smell is the best part. It’s better than sex with somebody you don’t love.” Girls (and people generally) love in-depth stories where you go into the details of your emotions. She doesn’t even have to agree – she’ll just enjoy the fact that you’re painting such a vivid picture about something she cares about. An added benefit of doing this in seduction is that you won’t look like your only emotion is her (which creeps girls out, for obvious reasons).
Good art is intelligent and challenging Good art makes you think and challenges some of your beliefs and preconceptions. People think they want to see something that solidifies their pre-existing beliefs but a consumer of art (or girl you seduced) will remember you better if they walk away thinking about something you said or if you challenged their beliefs in a good way or if you made them think about something differently. Obviously, there is a line between being challenging and offensive, and you need to figure out an intelligent way to navigate that line. That’s why you shouldn’t be afraid to be provocative or more intelligent than the situation would appear to call for. Sometimes if I’m in a night club and I think it will work, I will launch into a discussion of German philosophy or some other intelligent topic you don’t normally expect to hear about in those places.
All good art is ultimately uplifting You may disagree with this one, and I don’t care, and I’m not interested in getting into a debate about it. My point here is that all good art, even if it seems like its cum jokes and dick jokes, is ultimately uplifting. Art makes you a better person than you were before you came to it. Either you looked at the world in a new way, or you learned something, or you generally became a more relaxed, happy, person. Most good art has a happy ending – seriously, think of any good movie that you’ve seen.
There is an obvious parallel to seduction here. When you talk to a girl, you are trying to make her better. Better yet, you are both trying to make each other better. Idle chitchat is boring and forgettable. You guys may not marry, hell, she may not even fuck you, but if you spiritually uplift her she will remember you and like you more, and vice versa. And on top of that, you did a nice deed for somebody.