How to approach

How to approach

1) The best way to go out is with a big group that you are not committed to. When you are not committed, you can wander around, talk to whoever you want, and do whatever you want. When you are “committed” to a wingman, you narrow your effectiveness because you can basically only charge 2-sets and you have to hope they like both of you (and your wingman doesn’t suck), which is a little harder.

2) Don’t try to fuck every girl there. This is probably the biggest mistake PUAs make. Girls can smell desperation and they can definitely smell a creep who will take anyone he can get. I’ve literally seen guys go from girl to girl while everyone in the club watches them – why would any girl want to fuck you if they see you do that? Your goal in going out is to have fun, not to fuck anything you can get. You should only be spending 20-30% of your time at a club approaching. The rest of it you should be talking to your friends, dancing, playing on your phone, whatever. Once you start talking to somebody, then you can spend all your time on them, but until then, don’t.

3) Make brief eye contact with everybody. Some say to make eye contact and hold it but I think that’s creepy and aggressive. I just make brief contact with everybody. If a girl holds my eye contact or giggles or something, I approach. That’s a guaranteed yes.

4) Square up when you approach. Approaching a girl you don’t know is one of the most terrifying things a man can do, so a lot of guys try to lessen the fear by approaching her from the side or from the back or by saying something non-committal like “do you know where the bathroom is.” Fuck that. Go all in. Don’t approach a girl unless you are standing shoulder to shoulder with her, looking at her in the eyes, and you have her rapt attention. And don’t say something noncommittal. Say “Hi, my name is Woujo.” That makes it clear what you are there for. It will feel weird and scary, but that’s the best way to do it. If the girl won’t square up with you (she is looking around, she won’t turn towards you) then just move on.

5) Make it clear early you’re there to fuck. You don’t need to say those words, but make it clear somehow. It can be with body language or implicit “hints.” You may be afraid that you’ll look “creepy” if you do that, but trust me, it’s way creepier if you just start talking to a girl and you don’t admit what your endgame is. Also, a lot of times girls genuinely can’t tell. She has to know that you’re not just a “nice” guy at the bar.

6) Don’t just get numbers. Numbers by themselves are worthless. A girl will only call you back if you form a genuine emotional connection with them and if she genuinely gets excited about seeing you again. If you talk to her for 5 minutes and then ask for her number, she might give it to you, but she won’t call you back. I generally don’t even ask for a number unless we’ve been chatting for an hour or two or the girl makes it clear that she wants the business badly.

7) Find out if she is single early. This one is a no-brainer but its amazing how many guys fuck this up. Why would you want to waste your time talking to a girl all night just to find out she has a boyfriend?

8) Don’t brag. Girls can tell if a guy is bragging and it’s a huge turn off. If you have something awesome about you, keep it to yourself. She can find out later once she does the work to get to know you. Please also keep in mind that girls oftentimes lose attraction for a guy once they’ve found out everything about him and he no longer has any “mystery.” If you absolutely have to tell the girl, be self-deprecating about it. For example, if she is talking about how much her boss hates her, you can say “well, you think that’s bad? One time I opened for Jay-Z and the crowd hated me!! I was like sorry assholes, I’m here.”

9) Be totally into her or totally done with her. A lot of guys have been trained to look “cool” or to not want to be a “creep” so they won’t emote when they around women. Fuck that. When I meet a woman I act like I just met the most awesome person ever. I am very animated, I am very happy, and I’ll even say things like “wow I like you.” When you’re confident in yourself and you know you’re not desperate, you can do that and it works. But the flipside is this: when she fucks up, you totally zone out like she no longer exists. So if I’m chatting with a girl I’ll be totally into her, but if another guy comes along and she ignores me for him, I disappear and take my awesome enthusiasm elsewhere. I also point that awesome enthusiasm wherever I want. So if I’m chatting with a girl and one of my friends comes over, I also act totally animated when I see him.

10) Introduce her to your friends. This is huge because 1) it shows you have friends, 2) it shows you’re not a jealous, controlling asshole (like most guys are), and 3) it takes some pressure off of you because now your friends can entertain her. When I’m with a girl I introduce her to everybody I know that’s there, even if the guy is the biggest mack daddy on earth. I have no fear. If she likes one of my friends more than me, well, that’s her choice, and it would have been douchey and silly of me to try to stop that by being controlling.

11) Bros before hos. How many times have you seen this: bunch of dudes are hanging around chatting, and a girl comes over and they completely forget their conversation and completely fixate on whatever bullshit the girl is talking about. Or worse yet, you’re chatting it up with your bro and a girl walks by and says hi and he completely ignores you to talk to the girl. Don’t do that. If you’re chatting with your bros, and a girl comes up, don’t ignore your bros. Include her in the conversation if it makes sense, but remember: bros before hos. Here’s why I say this: first, its rude to ignore your bros. Secondly, if you don’t ignore your bros, the girl will respect you more. She’ll see that you are loyal, you care about your friends, and that you have boundaries and that you’re not going to bend over and do whatever she wants. Also, if you ignore your bros for her, you’re basically saying “look, I don’t’ have an awesome life – me and my friends were just talking about some stupid bullshit until a girl came by.” If you think a girl isn’t going to like you because you won’t ignore your bros for her, then that’s a shitty girl. Of course, don’t ignore the girl in favor of your bros either. You need to figure out a way to balance everything.

12) Don’t try to impress her – try to form a connection. There is a difference – girls can tell when you are trying to impress them and they don’t like it. Forming a connection is a process where you both figure out how much you have in common, in terms of thoughts, interests, feelings, etc...

13) Be nice. Period. There is never, ever, ever a reason to be mean to a girl, even if the girl is being a huge bitch to you. If the girl is being a bitch then just leave – or better yet, look around as if she just disappeared. The only time you can ever be mean to a girl is if you’ve developed a rapport and she can clearly tell you’re joking.

14) Talk to a girl for as long as she wants to talk to you. Some guys have so much anxiety that they can be having a good conversation with a girl and will still bail because they freak out or they think she is losing interest. Look – if a girl doesn’t want to talk to you she can leave. It’s her choice. If she’s talking to you, there is obviously something about you she likes. Talk to her as long as you can.

15) Don’t try to force conversation. Sometimes you guys just don’t have much in common. Sometimes she doesn’t like you. Sometimes you don’t like her. It’s ok. Bail if the conversation is forced or stupid or going nowhere.

16) Be in the power position whenever you talk to a girl. For example, if a girl is sitting at a bar and the guy is standing, the girl is in the position of power because she is comfortable and he is “working.” It’s even worse when the girls have their backs turned to the guys and the guys are still talking to them. The key to being in the power position is being more comfortable than the other person. If you’re talking to a girl, it’s always a power move to bring her over to a couch and then relax on the couch like you’re watching TV. It shows you’re comfortable and relaxed. You can even do this with body language. You can take the “power position” in a conversation by simply taking a step back and relaxing your body. It automatically sends a signal to both parties that she is lucky to be talking to you, not vice versa.

17) Be a man. Walk like a man, talk like a man. I don’t need to explain this one – you know what I am talking about. A lot of guys try to make people like them by “becoming” like that person. For example, if they’re around black people, they start talking black. If these guys are around a girl, they start acting and talking like a girl and doing feminine shit like booty dances. Don’t do that. You’re a man and that’s what she wants. Act like one.

18) Slow down your internal clock. One of the things about having anxiety is that it makes your heart beat fast and makes you rushed, so you look desperate and make bad decisions. Slow down your clock and move slower. Realize that if she likes you she’s not going anywhere. Have you ever seen a stand up comedian that has great comebacks when they are heckled? It looks amazing how “quickly” they come up with a response, but the real reason the comic seems “quick” is he is calm and comfortable so time is moving slower for him. When somebody says something, instead of freaking out and saying something stupid, he remains calm, gathers his thought, and says something good back.

19) Don’t supplicate. Ever. Ever. Supplicate is doing “bitch work” for a girl. Don’t buy her a drink (unless she buys you one first). Don’t wait around for her while she talks to another guy. Etc... Obviously be polite so if she says “hold my drink while I pull something out of my purse,” do it. But don’t hold her purse all night. If you are talking to a girl and another guy comes along and she starts talking to him, bail. Don’t wait around for her.

20) Make space for her. Not just physical space, but emotional space also. If you’ve ever had somebody “impose” themselves on you, you know what I’m talking about. They stand too close, they talk too much, they monopolize the conversation, they “grill” you, etc... Don’t do that. Let her talk. Don’t interrupt. Listen. While you should control the conversation as a man, let her participate. Don’t talk about stupid shit she doesn’t care about. Etc...

21) Don’t fall for “sex traps.” A sex trap is when a girl says something sexually provocative to get you to react stupidly. The best reaction to a sex trap is to act logical and funny, like you are not going to lose your mind over her and you are really just interested in “her” rather than just her body. Example: If a girl says something like “I want to fuck you” I will respond “you need to wine and dine me first.” That’s an extreme example, but you get the idea.

22) If friends come over, be nice to them and genuinely include them in the conversation. This also should be a no-brainer. Don’t just throw them a few scraps so you don’t look like a douchebag- talk to them with almost the same importance as the girl. I even ignore the girl for a few minutes sometimes to talk with her friend. If I feel like the girl is ignoring her friends for me, I might I even say "hey you (or we) should chat with your friends a little bit so they don't feel left out." If you win her friends over, you’re golden. If there is a friend there is an absolute asshole and is hell bent on getting you out of there, just say to the girl “I don’t think your friend likes me,” and she what she says. If she doesn’t make any effort to fix her friend, get her number and leave.

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